You know that dreadful feeling of not having any control over the situation or to be a bit more dramatic, life? That’s how I feel in those moments before mini M and I leave the house to try and get to somewhere (especially when time pressures are involved). The apartment would look like a tornado had ripped through it.
For someone who’s easily overwhelmed these days, I’m guilty of letting the mess consumed me. I would allow anger and impatience to well up within me but now that I’m all calm and cosy typing out this post, I can’t help but to notice how flawed and unhelpful those feelings were. On that same note I’m also trying not to invalidate those emotions because they are what make us human non? However, should we just allow the frustration to rule us as they wish? What could we do to potentially alleviate them so that we’re not constantly carrying more and more burden on our shoulders?
I wish I could list out the magic formula to live a perfect and happy life with a baby in tow. Unfortunately, I’m also trying to figure this part out myself.
I could tell you the 3 things that I had to try really hard to get into my head though to try and make myself feel better about myself.
#1. Let it go!
Hang on, did THAT remind you of Frozen? Annoying I know but well, I guess Frozen actually did me some good (ha!). In my case, I just had to tell myself to let go of that mess! Let it all go and know that the mess can be fixed and it’s not the most important thing in life. Cut yourself some slack because life isn’t always Pinterest-worthy, or it might never be again with children around but that’s ok. It’s hard to let go of the fantasy and bubble that I used to live in but life does go on even if it’s not superficially perfect. Most importantly, mini M had fun with all the toys that were strewn on the floor. What more can I ask for from a 9-month old right?
#2. A messy home is a happy home
I think I got this little quote from some interviewee on Cup of Jo. Cup of Jo is amazing btw if you’re a fan of day-to-day life kind of things. If you don’t already follow the blog, just click on the link and you might spend the hours that you do not have poring over the articles. You’re welcome. I guess the quote is quite self-explanatory. It also very graciously excuses us from that awful feeling that we haven’t done our job nearly as well as we wanted to be. I don’t know about you but I do feel that way sometimes. I’ll just have to put that picture of a pristine home in the back burner until mini M leaves home one day. And for someone with an Asian parent, that might be a looooong time away lol.
#3. Prioritise
It’s hard to come to terms that I can’t do everything but that’s just a matter of fact. If the priority is to get out of the door on time then the cleaning will have to wait. Often I found myself scrambling to do the last bit of housework like it was the most important thing on earth. In a sense I’ve let housework define my existence. Gosh, I surely am worth more than that!
Ah well, I’m sure by the time I have #2, messiness wouldn’t even be a concern but till then, I would need to find a way to deal with some of my ‘internal issues.’ While they are not life-threatening, I would still like to find some perspective to make parenthood as enjoyable as possible.
Fellow mamas, what are your strategies in dealing with perpetual mess? Let me know!
x